


the timing is all

by spookykingdomstarlight



Category: Men in Black (Movies)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Men in Black 3, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-25 16:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookykingdomstarlight/pseuds/spookykingdomstarlight
Summary: “Seriously, though,” Kay went on, determined, not even a little bit different from his older, gruffer counterpart. His hand waved vaguely in Jay’s direction. “You’ve got a thing going on between your eyes.” His thumb then sketched a divot between his own eyebrows in illustration. “Makes you look like you’re thinking real hard about something.” Then he shrugged. “Or you’re thinking about doing something stupid.”





	the timing is all

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cricket_aria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cricket_aria/gifts).



Jay knew how to play it cool. He really did. He’d played it cool for a good fifteen years, kept his mouth shut, let his partner go off and neuralize himself into oblivion, get his happy ending, find himself dragged back into the life that he’d dragged Jay into once upon a time, and get an entirely different sort of ending. Though maybe not too soon. Hopefully not too soon. If Jay had his way, Kay would live to a nice, old, riper age than he’d already reached. He’d accepted he’d one day lose Kay, probably to some ugly motherfucker from Alpha Centauri, and Jay would have to be sad and mad as hell about it.

He thought he accepted that.

But now he’d been thrown back to the Stone Age and it was entirely possible that Kay actually was dead now and Jay might be soon because Boris The Ugly Motherfucker Not From Alpha Centauri had gotten the drop on him and Jay had no clue what the hell to do with that. He definitely didn’t want Kay to die first. Or ever. Refused to let himself think too much about it because hey, he accepted it. He did. This was the job. Every day was a risk.

And somewhere in the back of his mind he’d somehow thought himself invincible apparently because he hadn’t planned for the very real possibility that he wouldn’t be around to tell Kay how he felt about him. They sat side by side day after day and he couldn’t bring himself to make an admission or two? What the hell was that? What kind of dumb ass did that make Jay?

“You okay there, champ?” Kay asked, young Kay, the good looking, yet far older than his twenty-nine years Kay. He was a Kay Jay could love, but he wasn’t Jay’s Kay either, not yet. They barely knew each other and Jay had the advantage over him in terms of knowing a few things about him while he knew nothing in return. Made Jay’s sudden realization rather inconveniently timed and unfair to Kay.

“Huh?” Jay asked, his voice reaching the upper register of its capabilities. If he wanted to avoid looking suspicious, lowering that was probably necessary. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

His voice stayed high-pitched, frantic. He definitely felt cornered and wished he didn’t and desperately wished he didn’t sound like he was frantic and cornered.

“You’re trying to wear a hole in my dash,” Kay pointed out, more kind than his Kay would’ve been. His Kay would’ve grouched at him more, wouldn’t have that mischievous glint in his eyes or the wrinkles around them that seemed more kind than perpetually annoyed.

Jay looked down at his hands as they drummed against said dash. He hadn’t even noticed what he was doing. “Whoops,” he said. “Sorry, man.” Pulling them back, he threw Kay a lopsided smile. Even so, he couldn’t help but wish it was his Kay here. A deranged part of him wanted Kay to sternly berate him for his distraction. It wasn’t that Jay hadn’t spent years wishing Kay would give a damn about him, but now he wanted the exact opposite. He wanted Kay’s gruff no-nonsense approach to life. It might’ve stopped his heart from fluttering quite so badly. Or his gut from twisting with so much guilt. “These are just not ideal circumstances. I’m not really at my best. I’m sure you understand.”

“You’re telling me,” Kay answered, sympathy dripping from every word. “This Boris guy isn’t messing around. Kind of a pain in the ass, really.”

It was so quaint that Jay felt a ridiculous wave of affection for this version of Kay, familiar and different, a good guy deep down inside and on the surface, too. He deserved better than what was getting thrown at him here and now. If Jay’d been able to handle this back in the future, he wouldn’t have had to deal with this at all. And Jay could be having his existential crisis all on his own, his Kay at his side, where he wouldn’t have to saddle this one with his bullshit. And for forty-some years, too, if Jay managed to survive and get back to the present.

Time travel sucked. Jay definitely, definitely did not want to do it again, no matter how many cute, younger versions of his partner he got to meet. Shit just wasn’t worth it.

“Yeah, Kay,” he answered, biting back a smile. ‘Kind of a pain in the ass’ was an understatement. Jay hated this guy in a way he hadn’t hated most beings he’d come across in his time. Dude killed Kay. That shit just wasn’t right. And Jay would do his damnedest to fix it. Kay wasn’t dying on his watch, but the universe had a way of balancing the scales. Jay figured there’d be some kind of payment in kind for messing with the timeline. He was cool with it. Well, not really cool with it, but it kind of sucked knowing how massively he’d screwed up and how little chance he had to fix it now.

He’d wasted so much time. And for no good reason.

If he survived this nonsense, he wasn’t going to hold back again, not like this. It made him crazy. Sure, Kay’d probably lose his shit at him and embarrass the hell out of Jay in the process, but that was all right. That would be worth it for getting his thoughts out in the open. Kay deserved to know someone cared about him, even if it was just Jay.

“Seriously, though,” Kay went on, determined, not even a little bit different from his older, gruffer counterpart. His hand waved vaguely in Jay’s direction. “You’ve got a thing going on between your eyes.” His thumb then sketched a divot between his own eyebrows in illustration. “Makes you look like you’re thinking real hard about something.” Then he shrugged. “Or you’re thinking about doing something stupid.”

Jay could only laugh, not a little bitter, at that. “I’m always thinking about doing something stupid.”

“Yeah, I’m beginning to notice. Why do you think I’m worried?”

It struck Jay then that that was what Kay was doing and even though he found it weird as hell, weirder than a lot of the shit he’d seen in his time, it felt good, too, a little sad, but good. It only seemed fair, maybe, because Jay spent so much of his time worrying about Kay in return. All the time. For any reason. Even when they weren’t on dangerous jobs, he worried. About what Kay did when he went home alone and what he did when Jay was busy with other assignments. It didn’t really matter. If it involved Kay, Jay worried about it.

“You know what, man?” Jay asked, tipping his head back and rolling it to get a better look at Kay’s profile. They’d had so many stakeouts in their time and this was maybe one of the weirdest. At least there wasn’t any mind-blowing revelations about Elvis Presley being an alien this time. Probably a lot of the artists of this time period were. And Jay frankly didn’t need to know about it. “You’re a good guy.”

“Uh huh,” Kay answered after a short pause, like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with Jay’s half-baked compliment. And maybe that made sense. Honestly, Jay was feeling a little punch-drunk and uncertain. This whole time he’d been back here he was worrying himself sick about what could happen if he failed, what he would do if this didn’t work out. And not having said anything when he should’ve said something a long time ago…

Fuck. He just really wanted to go home, do this whole thing right. Try again with his Kay, make sure Boris never got far enough to even travel to the past. Make it nice and clean and not even the slightest bit complicated like it was now. That was a good dream. And he really, really wanted it. So much so that he could taste it. If this was what homesickness felt like, he didn’t want to have anything more to do with it. It was a useless feeling, pointless. Even if he got back, things would be different now.

And he still had no clue whether he would or not.

“Nah, I’m serious. You’re—” Jay flapped his hand, hoped it was enough to convey all the ways he thought Kay was the greatest because there was no way he was going to manage to get them out in words. It felt too much like trying to vocalize how blue the sky was. A tedious exclamation that conveyed nothing. Kay just—was a good guy. For a whole slew of reasons Jay couldn’t articulate. “You.”

“Well, now,” Kay said, laughing, too, his teeth catching the glint of the sun as he smiled. “That’s convincing.”

Jay rolled his eyes. If Kay was going to be a joker about it, that was his business, but Jay had feelings and they sat beneath his breastbone threatening to burst out of his chest. He wasn’t stupid enough to do something ridiculous, like pull Kay into a kiss right out here in the open where anyone could see it—bad idea in times like these—but it sure as hell would’ve made things easier to make his point. “Look, I could tell you the truth and you probably still wouldn’t believe me.”

“Oh? And what is the truth?”

Time to just jump right in and go for it.

“You’re the best friend I ever had.” It was easy to start with this admission. There wasn’t any shame in that. Hell, probably even old Kay knew that much even if he’d never said anything and Kay’d never so much as acknowledged it as a fact. It was an easy place to start anyway, an in that wouldn’t be Jay immediately launching into deep shit territory.

“No need to talk like that,” Kay said. “You’re acting like I’m already marked for death. We’ll figure out a way through this. Keep your confessions to yourself.” Even though his words were a little abrupt, he said them with warmth. His way of trying to cheer Jay up, maybe, but it wasn’t gonna work, not this time. This time there was too much at stake for him to fuck around not saying what he meant.

“You are marked for death,” Jay pointed out. “And if I don’t fix this, there won’t be a future you to talk to about this. Either way, you deserve to know. So, yeah. You’re my best friend. You will be. And you’re a pretty good guy right now, so I’d bet we’d be pretty good friends here, too.”

Kay, bless him, nodded along, apparently perfectly happy to allow Jay to dig this hole for himself. So much for easy. The more words he said, the harder it was for him to reach inside and pull out the truth. And there were a million things he could’ve used to justify not telling him. Not that the present Jay came from was some shining utopia of diversity, but it was a little more solid on a whole host of issues. Including when one man had feelings for another. It was possible he’d be shunned for sharing these feelings with Kay.

Jay frowned. As convenient of an excuse as that would be, he just didn’t see it being accurate. He was just being a coward.

“Okay, okay.” Kay raised his hands in deference. “That’s very sweet of you to say, sport. Was that it or did you have something else to get off your chest?” At that, his eyes fell to Jay’s lapels and then lifted back up to his eyes. His mouth turned down at the corners and compressed as though he was thinking very hard or connecting some dots Jay didn’t necessarily need connected before he got it out there himself. “You do seem kind of anxious.”

It wasn’t that he was mad at Kay, because he wasn’t. Kay was just being a good guy who hadn’t yet learned how to be a gruff, distant one. But god damn could Jay have shaken him for being so open. His frustrations threatened to bubble over, every fear threatening to climb his throat and tear right out of his mouth. “Try telling the guy you worked with for fifteen years who doesn’t even know you that you’re in love with him and come back to me and talk. We can talk about our anxieties then. I just want to—”

So much for only threatening.

God damn it.

“I, uh.” Scratching the back of his neck, he looked out the window and prayed for death to take him or for an alien, whether it was Boris or not, to travel past and distract him from the embarrassment he’s just made of himself. “I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

Kay’s eyes were wide, maybe a little deranged and his lips pursed, probably in utter awkwardness at having Jay pour his heart into his lap that way. And not even the right lap, no offense to this Kay, who was perfectly wonderful but not the version Jay cared best about, not the version he’d like to have had this conversation with.

“You said that out loud,” Kay agreed, far more pleasant than Jay had any right to expect. “But, hey. That’s flattering, isn’t it? It’s not every day your partner from the future expresses his feelings for you. Well, future you. I’m sure I haven’t managed to sweep you off your feet quite yet.” He winked and clapped Jay on the shoulder. There was a hint of sadness in his tone as he spoke, one that Jay understood well. Theirs wasn’t the kind of life that invited much in the way of romance. And Kay’s experience with Oh proved that even dating within the organization could end poorly, even if amicably.

Even if Kay felt the same, it didn’t mean it would work out. Or that it could even go anywhere. Hell, Jay hadn’t even known Kay and Oh were a thing before. Which meant they probably hadn’t ever really been anything at all.

If he let himself think about that, he’d probably start screaming in renewed frustration.

But at least now it was done. If he did make it back and Kay wasn’t dead in the future, at least he knew.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Jay said, feeling kind of stupid about the whole thing. Like a kid with his first crush. It wasn’t quite as overwhelming as that first admission had been so long ago—he really was getting old, damn—but it was near enough to it to be reminiscent of it. “So that we could’ve avoided this awkwardness entirely.”

“It’s good to let these things out.” And that was great. It was awesome that Kay got to be philosophical about this; he’d only just met Jay, no doubt it meant next to nothing compared to what Jay was going through. But Jay also couldn’t deny that he liked the way Kay was so warm toward him, friendly, willing to go along with what Jay said even if he’d started out giving him shit almost exclusively while Jay tried to save his ass. He liked that Kay thought to reach out to him and teased him, too. “Seriously. I appreciate it, I do. I’m a lucky man to have somehow caught your eye.”

Frankly, it was confusing as fuck to be Jay right about now and it was his own damned fault. Mostly. Maybe a little bit Kay’s fault, too, for being nice.

“We’ll get through this,” Kay said, full of determination and grit. “I still don’t know what happened that turned me into the guy you’re so infatuated with, but I’m sure he doesn’t deserve it. But I’m gonna remember this and we’re gonna get you back and you’ll get to work it out with him, okay?”

Jay nodded, swallowing back the rather inconvenient lump that was threatening to lodge itself in his throat. It did little good if he was being honest. That lump got itself caught there, got some hooks into him, set up shop and left him unable to speak. Too bad it didn’t make itself known sooner. Might have stopped him from making an ass of himself.

But no. No. This was what he’d needed to do. Had to get these words out or else he’d regret it. It was all he’d have thought about otherwise, might’ve made him make a mistake he didn’t want to make. Even if it wasn’t quite as elegant as he wanted it to be, at least he’d said it. Kay knew and whatever else happened, he would have that knowledge.

At least until he neuralyzed himself.

And then got deneuralyzed again.

Jay made a face and shook his head. That was trouble he didn’t want to get involved in. He shouldn’t have said anything. He hadn’t even thought about that. “Hey, so, uh.” He cleared his throat. “Don’t wait for me, okay? I mean, live your life the way you were gonna, okay? I didn’t want to—”

Kay rolled his eyes. “I get it. Whatever happens will happen, right? I’ll let you and future me work it out. It’ll be fine. I have a good feeling about it.”

It was all well and good for Kay to be optimistic now when he hadn’t had to live through all of that yet, but Jay was willing to give it a go if Kay was. It didn’t even really matter if Kay felt the same way when Jay went back. At least he knew.

That was what mattered to Jay. That he knew someone loved him. That Jay loved him. That Jay respected him and cared and wanted what was best for him. That he had Kay’s back no matter what. “Kay, I just want you to know—”

“Oh,” Kay said, “trust me, kid. I know. We’ll get you back there and this’ll all get itself worked out. Thanks for telling me. It’s an honor knowing you feel that way.”

And the hell of it was, Jay found he could believe him. And he did feel better.

Whatever happened, he’d go back there and they’d work it out. If Kay could believe that, cynical, pessimistic Kay, then so could Jay.


End file.
